Tradecraft > Do's and Don'ts for State Department Writing

Alexander Vershbow

​

Readers will decide in a matter of seconds whether to read your cable. Put your news up front and make it easy for readers to decide whether to read or delete.   

DO. . .

Be policy relevant. 

• Focus on important U.S. interests—what does this mean for the United States?

• Answer the “so what?” question—it is your job to explain why this development/project, etc. is important to the U.S. and to big picture post/bureau/Department goals.

Craft clear, punchy, results-oriented subject lines that capture the results/essence of the meeting or event.    

• The subject line should be no more than 54 characters; if it is longer, redraft it.

• Make it substantive and specific. Often, you can get the entire substance in the header. Contrast: “Ambassador Meets Foreign Minister”—useless; tells the reader nothing—vs. “FM Khan: GoP Won’t Accept More Afghan Refugees”—excellent; tells everything.

• Include the name of the country in the subject line only if you are reporting on events in a country other than where the cable originates.

Use a crisp summary paragraph if your cable is more than four or five paragraphs.

• Capture the results of the meeting—don’t just list topics discussed—so that a busy reader can learn everything s/he needs to know from the summary paragraph. S/he can return to the cable later for the details.

• Put summary topics in priority order; the cable/e-mail body should also follow this order.

• Begin paragraph with “SUMMARY.” and end with “END SUMMARY.”

Be concise but clear; put the meaning up front.

• Distill/compress; write short cables, short paras, short sentences, use short words.

• The first sentence should always answer “What is important about this cable?”

• Include only what the reader needs to know; excise extraneous material.

• Use conversational language—rich, but not pretentious. Test by reading aloud.

• Avoid devoting an entire paragraph to the date and participants—incorporate the “who and when” information into your first paragraph along with the substance.

Be accurate; choose verbs/modifiers carefully.

• Be careful to describe the issues and the exchange about them accurately; don’t assume.

• We can rarely know how interlocutors feel or think—use “said.” Judicious use of “stated,” “noted,” “underscored”, etc. are usually acceptable. Some verbs (e.g. complained, claimed, etc.) may carry meanings that do not accurately reflect the exchange—save them for your Comment.

• Corporate entities/countries don’t “feel;” don’t ascribe emotions to them.

• Use inexact words like “perhaps,” “sometimes,” “likely,” etc. carefully.

Focus on the Host Government’s response. 

• Minimize reporting on what U.S. participant says, especially when reporting on a demarche delivered pursuant to an instruction cable; the Department assumes we can follow instructions and know our own policy.

• Simply refer to the previous cable, (After DCM delivered talking points reftel on June 2, the FM responded…).

Organize paragraphs by issue or theme. 

• Use separate, catchy topic headings in longer cables; key them to the Summary.

Use a Comment paragraph to differentiate between reporting and analysis.

• What someone from outside the Mission says is reporting; what we say is Comment.

• A Comment should add value through analysis.

• Begin the paragraph with “COMMENT.” and end with “END COMMENT.”

• Comments can also include policy recommendations; head these paras COMMENT/RECOMMENDATION.”

• In forming your Comment and/or recommendations, watch out for clientitis—remember, you represent the U.S., not the host government.

Use Action Requests/Requests for Guidance when appropriate; put them up front.

• Remember that these are requests from the field—not demands or taskings to the Department; you can/should, however, include Post’s recommendations.

• If you do have an Action Request, say so up front , e.g. in para 2 (right after the “Classified by” para) “This is an action request; see para 5.” That way your reader knows straight up front that s/he will need to respond.

Be timely—work quickly (aim for same-day cables). 

• This may mean sending a short spot report first and a more in-depth piece later.

Be precise about dates. 

• “Yesterday,” “tomorrow,” and “currently” have no meaning to the reader.

• Write out the date: April 13, not 4/13 or Apr. 11; the month always goes first.

• No need to include the year, unless referring to a previous year—it is assumed that the meeting being reported took place this year.

Classify and number each paragraph—it’s just how we do it.

• Lower classifications are almost always better, but you must ensure that truly sensitive information is properly classified; remember “The Washington Post test.”

• Use “NOT FOR INTERNET DISTRIBUTION” when appropriate.

Refer to others by title or surname; use “Department” to refer to the Department of State.

• After the first mention, refer to the person by surname or title—not both.

• Use “PM” for Prime Minister, “FM” for Foreign Minister, “MFA” for Ministry of Foreign Affairs; don’t forget to use articles (i.e. The PM).

Refer to U.S. personnel by position/function rather than name.

• E.g., EconCouns, PolOff, Ambassador, PAO, ConOff. Other than the Ambassador, we rarely refer to Embassy officers by name.

• Don’t include “U.S. Embassy” before the officer’s title; it is assumed.

Use “Post,” “Embassy,” “Mission” or “Consulate” to refer to the view of embassy/consulate.

• The message is from the mission, not a particular section—and no royal “we.”

Use active verbs; avoid the passive voice. 

Use articles and complete sentences—“Telegraphese” went out with the teletype.  

Use Government Acronyms; spell out other acronyms the first time you use them.

• Abbreviate governments; e.g. USG for our government; GoP for Government of Pakistan; HMG for Great Britain (Her Majesty’s Government).

• Exceptions: No need to spell out well-known acronyms such as UN, NATO, EU.

Use periods when abbreviating “United States,” but use “U.S.”—not “American”—to describe our interests.

• America refers to North and South. Canadians and Latins hate our hijacking the term.

• Put periods, commas and question marks inside quotation marks; colons go outside. Use two spaces after periods, colons and question marks. 

Remember the relationship between e-mail and cables.

• Cabled information is often previewed in classified/unclassified e-mail, which moves faster than cables, is more informal and often bypasses the clearance process.

• E-mail is UNOFFICIAL, usually UNCLEARED and can be forwarded easily—and is—so craft e-mail messages just as carefully as cables. Cables are the OFFICIAL channel (the channel of record) for reporting and action requests.

• Be judicious in using e-mail, especially when previewing official reporting or making recommendations. If you feel information in a coming cable should be shared with Washington via e-mail in advance, make sure your boss is informed and approves.

PWOOFREED! 

• Make sure the presentation of your piece reflects the care and thought that went into the substance. This means no typos, no grammatical errors, etc.

• You can’t rely solely on spellcheck. You don’t want to fund that you’re Kabul is pooped because you failed to reed it Caerphilly.

• Make sure you have properly manipulated the track changes feature so that the full history/metamorphosis of your cable does not appear in the final document.

Remember Your Boss Is The Boss

• If s/he disagrees with anything on this checklist, do it his/her way!

DON’T. . .

Don’t report everything you know.

• Report only what the reader needs to know, not everything said.

Don’t follow the chronology of a meeting or event…

• (i.e. “he said/she said.”) unless it matters—organize by subject, not speaker.

Don’t replicate CNN—add value by providing analysis.

Don’t go into background—assume the Department already has it.

Don’t use the first person (unless writing for the Ambassador).

Don’t use the passive voice.

Don’t repeat information given earlier; delete it. 

Don’t use clichés.

• You can use humor, interesting turns of phrase, etc.—but sparingly. Your job is to get the information across quickly and clearly.

Don’t fall in love with your own prose.

• The point is to get the information/ideas across, not win creative writing contests. Your supervisor, other clearers will make some changes—this is a fact of Foreign Service life.

THIRTY-TWO STYLE RULES 

• Always avoid alliteration.

• Prepositions are not good words to end sentences with.

• Avoid cliches like the plague.

• Be careful to use adjectives and adverbs correct.

• Always proofread to see if you any words out.

• Avoid the use of ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

• Parenthetical remarks (even when relevant) are distracting.

• Its important to use apostrophe's with great care.

• It is better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.

• About sentence fragments.

• Avoid unnecessary redundancy.

• A writer must avoid shifting your point of view.

• A verb must agree with their subjects.

• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

• Never generalize.

• Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.

• Steer clear of quotations.  "I hate quotations," Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "tell me what you know."

• Metaphors are like similes.

• Be more or less specific.

• Understatement is always the best.

• Exaggeration is a billion times worse.

• The passive voice is to be avoided.

• Use colloquialisms when pigs fly.

• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

• Who needs rhetorical questions?

• Above all, writing should be sincere, whether you mean it or not.

• Employ the vernacular.

• Contradictions aren't necessary.

• Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

• Don't be redundant. Don't say the same thing twice. Don't use more words than necessary;
  it is highly superfluous.

• One-word sentences? Eliminate.

• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

​

​